its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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