i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
