guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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