You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just gargled with NyQuil
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
