I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
