Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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