Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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