She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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