i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i will never coherently bang her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
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OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
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i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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