He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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