i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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