it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
