Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
