I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
