so explain again why im purple
no
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
