My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
