hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I know her cup size but not her name....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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