I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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