I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
