I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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