My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
