Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
