We need to start having sex underwater more often.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
