He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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