I wish I only lived at night.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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