I can text with my tongue
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
