We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
