I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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