dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
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Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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