Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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