someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
