he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
