Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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