i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
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