trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
