I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
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the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
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He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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