My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
