She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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