You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
