The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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