After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
