Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
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My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
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You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass