Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound