She said her name was "party"
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
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You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?