Your dad touched me again.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day