She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.