Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.