I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀