walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
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Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
the liver wants what the liver wants
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.