apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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