I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
