i need an iv and a liver transplant
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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