My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
