you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
