i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
