he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The air was thick with penises
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Randomize
