I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
