So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
