It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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