My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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