Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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