do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
